well.. I feel a little bit off today. I know the reason..I know I should not tell to anyone except to Allah and my husband ( hehe )....but I just feel like i need to type my feelings out.
you know. the feeling when you feel like you arent being appreciated. the feeling when you knew that 'people' will only find you when they need 'something' or some help from you.. or when they just need you. your ears to listen, your mouth for some advice. or your head for some ideas. or..your materials to ease their problems..and.. that person/people happen to be someone that you like/love dearly in your heart. that most of the time, you just cant say no. or you will feel sooo terrible even if you said no... and most of the time, you feel bad because you rarely makes people do things for you! you always try to figure out your problems on your own and be independent..........i know. burdensome.
I came across this book ( one of my favourite books from my own collection hehe ). here it stated:
" Do not expect gratitude from people - Some people they feel no gratitude towards Allah for the favours He has bestowed upon them, so no wonder that they show none to others."
well. this makes a lot of sense to me. sometimes, even me myself forgot to feel grateful to Allah for whatever I have in life, so why should I expect people to feel grateful to my little help to them. plus, some people ( including me ) only try to find Allah, find their way back to Allah, tears in their sujood, only when they really have no other way out, that they feel like only Allah can help them, only then they return to Allah..so...with this saying, if it's possible for humans to do that to Allah, why am I feeling so bad if they do that to me too? *thinks hard*
its true that we should not love people too much. should not 'depend' on people too much. Because only Allah is the One that we should love at the highest. only to Him whom we should depend on. entirely..
i think..maybe I need to change the way i treat people. there should be a limit to how much should i love them. i need to make myself worth more by not being too 'easy'. learn to say no. ( amboih! haha )..the only question is now : can I really do this? or.. should I do that..
y'know. Al-Quran wins.
assalamualaikum. bye diary! - thanks for brainstorming with me :)