* insomnia vs baby

ok kami mengaku kami xda gmbaq baru.kami malaih nk mengusung kamera kmi walaupun kecik konek ja,hahaha. so ni sisa2 baki2 gmbaq raya.ekceli ada banyak lagi kmi malu2 alah nk letak sbb rasa cm gmbaq kmai byk gila berkeliaran di anagkasa.malu weh. cm cun sgt ann nk boh byk2.hahaha =p

so kami letak gmbaq2 ni diselangi ngn penulisan, haha konon2 bg hgpa xboring ar kan..budget tgk gmbaq kami hgpa terhiburla sgt kan?! HAHAA.

ok nk menuleh dah ni. ha tu dia pas gastrik trus semngat nk blogging awat pulak kan?

tajuk hari ni:

insomnia dan faktor2 penyebab

pendahuluan:

kami rasa kn, kmi insomia la.lately, mmg susah nk tdoq.

isi kandungan:

I need a teddy bear.wah sgt gedik kot ayat. HAHAHA.

xda la. mksud nyah, nyah nk anak.eh bukan.jgn slh fhm.nyah nk budak2 utk dipeluk masa tdo mlm2. nyah rasa sepi.hahaha..ee geli nyah.ok dah dah nyah oii.

merapu ke laut baru first perenggan da melalut. eh eh cm pntun.

ok eeee apa ni mrepek.ok cmni. hm..dulu kn, ev nite tdo peluk ayeh, xpun iman, xpun dania, dll..masa depa da lena meleleh2 ayaq liuq tuh kn, boleh chiummmmm cubit pipi, selak pampers tgk u'uk ka dak haha pastu cium perot buncit mereka.tabiat tuh. esp dania,hoohooo perot buncit you! kdg2 ish ish masa depa tdoq tu la nk korek hidung depa, korek telinga cari kutu segala hahahahaha.

ishh aku ni meroyan ka hapaaa. huhuhu. I need babies. I mean somebody's nya ar kan. km mestila lmbat lagi.kurang2 2-3 thun lgi kan.haha kawen tamao anak nak apa ni.haha. tetiba tringat cakap2 uda, kan bes kalu beranak tu cm bersin ja, hacchuuuuuuuuu!! terus keluar baby uwaa uwaa! heeeeeeee..

ntahla. kalu ada budak2 kt umah, kita akan rasa hepi n semngat nk balik umah.kalu takrajin nk mengasuh pun, kita akan sgt rajin nk mengacau kan kan kan? pulak tu yg budak2 jenis kuat nangeh muka manja2 tu kan.rasa gerammm jaa tgk slalu.haha..

tau tak, kat sni, everytime kami keluaq pi jalan2 kan, mesti kmi akan brjaya mengorat 2-3 org budak ehem budak kecik ok.haha. and cm cepat mesra jgk budak2 kecik sni.dahla comel gila! bes bes. tp tu la .kegembiraan hanya sementara.xleh nk bawak balik umah lol..

sat, apa topik kmi sbenaqnya ni. insomia kn. ok kesimpulannya, insomia is directly proportional to kids. faktor penyebab ar ni.kami rindu ar nk main ngn budak2.ketagih.tu dia term. ekceli ada ja budak2 kecik mlsia kt sni, tp umah jauh sikit, kmi nkp after class takot la pulak nk blik sorg2 mlm2..hoho. so, kmi cuci mata tgk gmbaq aja.

kotla sini ada kucing yg boleh gak main2 kan, TAKDA tau dak.mana pi abeh kmi xtaula.tp hri tu, somebody told me, depa sgt jaga la street cats & dogs ni, mmg xda yg berkeliaran, semua ada rumah masing2.mengalahkan org.homeless ppl rmai lak kan sni.xda lak org nk kutip kan, haha.

ok solution: sapa nk bg anak dia kt kami.pinjam.

HAHHA

dah ok bye.

* gentle reminder

salam kawan kawanku.heeeee

I think it's already been my habit to see u guys - updating your blog first , then only the kick comes and pushed me to write. something. unnecessarily. hehe.

nothing interesting happened these days - just finished crazy exam week, just got the result, eheheee *don't ask* and oo yea, it's mid autumn already !!! how time flies..winter is coming in a month time, i guess, yet so very cold here. light snowing on some days, raining on the other , and breezy windy days everyday with 60mph winds kissing straight onto your face. sweet. feels like even if you poke your face with the sharpest knife, blood will still be afraid to come out ~ hee. pale okeh.

while I'm shivering to death ( metaphore ) to walk to my far-away-luckily-there's - a-bus-class, I am actually enjoying every bits of it. believe me =p

ok. sayang2 sekalian, nak start dah ni.kah kah. duduk gaya beruang ni okeh.haha.

hemmmmmm..have u ever heard of this cheesy - cheesy like phrase ? (haha ) -asal ayat macam nak ceramah.

ok serius. ayat ini -

'Begin with the end in mind'

ok I know it's like so cliche, everyone would know kan kan.

ntah.lately. ok da lama actually. I've been thinking hard. bout my future. my past. and. crucial ni. my purpose. of living. sometimes, late at night. I am thinking. whatthefish am I doing actually in this world? :)

purpose. as a muslim , nah. AKhirat, our afterlife is our purpose. indeed to see Him , happily, is our purpose. being placed in Heaven, is our purpose.

please not to say, to be a good dietitian ehehe, to marry our handsome husband, have bundle of tembam kids and so on. hahah.that's the fruits in the middle okeh.ok balik ke pangkal jalan.

hmm.

Then, if that's our purpose, all about the AFterlife, why would we have to study, or work like soooo hard IF all these hardwork - superficially are Duniawi things , everything that we did, or are doing now, in this temporary world will be gone into drain one day, after we died? Why don't we just focus on what After Life will be, how to survive, and push all Duniawi things aside..hurrm?

*

*

*

To think about it,

what we are doing now in this world MUST come with good purpose. MUST come with the ultimate intention. to serve Him. To be prepared to see him.

study, working, no matter how much we put our efforts on it, once He said that it's time for us to go, that's it. All gone. plainly.

EXCEPT if what we are doing now is directed to HIM.

I am actually not very good in putting what my mind is thinking or what my heart is telling into words, precisely, (hehe ) , but actually life is pretty simple. you just have to balance it. And of course put your good niat ( the ultimate one) into it. Put your bestest efforts. and that's it :) ok haha sounds simple, I know. hey everything comes with price now. tears is one of it. it's the MSG of life.

actually, I used to think that everything should always be according to my plan. by 'my plan' i meant, dulu, is my future. duniawi-ly. that's all. I am a careful planner. sometimes I can bee too creative. too imaginative. too futuritive. not something that I proud of. honestly. i tell ya. if i want something, I will work on it to every bits. but somehow, deep in my heart, I know, I forgot to include this important thing. this balancing thing. I didnt balance it. it's not that I didnt do what all the muslim should do ( solat, puasa, etc etc ) but, I only think of wHat I wanna be in this world, not what I wanna be in this world that's gonna contribute, influence and place me amongst His beriman slave There.....the After Life.

I worked hard but the way I hope things should turn out to be is only on the duniawi side, I didnt mention about the Akhirat side. To me, beforehand, akhirat is only about our solat, puasa and all the Rukuns.and our pahala dan dosa...

but actually, study is not just study, it's ibadah. Kerja too, is ibadah. jaga anak too, is ibadah. If only we put it on the right path. with the right intention.and the right way. With the Islam spirit in it.

So, if we direct all our doings that way, by directing to our Qiblah of life, with Allah in mind, before and after, I am sure, InsyaAllah, we will get to balance things, and eventually, get the best of BOTH worlds.

agree?

so, back to the phrase, can we rephrase it?

Begins and ends with Allah in mind :)

I used it a lot now..every single day.makes problem no longer a problem.makes sadness no longer ( at least lessen ) a sadness . ( tapi homesick ehem harusla tetap kan )...hmm..maybe I've realized about this before, Alhamdulillah, but it's just happened that I REALLY REALLY want to ENTIRELY put it into ACTION at this age. *batuk batuk* muda lagi kan?

teeehee..

I always remember Him. it's just that I didn't clearly say I remember Him in everything I did before. admittedly, human being, lack of many things. but how we're going to fix that lacks is what matters, i guess.

and that's the thing that I wanna change in my life. you should too, if not yet :) Subhanallah..

sekian.

salam sayang.

p/s : kami tertulih banyak lagi.huh. it's just a piece of mind. if u mind sharing, my dear frens. :) miss u.

and all the beruang gebu berbulu pictures are just symbolic of the coldness I'm having now here.brrrrrr....

* mixed feelings

kanak kanak comel di sini.

dear sayangs

di keheningan malam ini...aku menarikan tinta untuk meluahkan padamu betapa...eceh...

takdanya nk menulis gitu kan.ha ni tetiba rasa nk post something sbb pi umah cik faezah nagn cik huda, dua2 berupdate. so, ok, da rasa cm tanggungjawab kapada negara.haha.

ok takda cerita sebenarnya.huahua.sebab tgah busy exam.oh ok tiba2 ada idea. sekarang fall kt minne.cantik sgt. jalan atas daun you.ceh. metafora.pastu bila angin, daun2 berguguran atas kepala i.tetiba ada seorang jejaka tolong sapu2 kan daun yang telah menimbun kat kepala besar i. hahaha.ok merepek.geli geli. jgn marah sayang.*gurau* haha

korang.tetiba mode sedih.tau x, setiap malam i mimpikan harith.em.harith ni my nephew. *tetiba explain kot org ingat bf bunyi cm gatal di situ*

setiap malam nak tido, mesti kena tggu mata ngantuk yg teramat sangat yang baca bismillah trus pengsan mimpi trus tu. kalau saja2 nk golek2 berangan2 yg indah before terlelap tu memang xlah sekarang, kerana memang muka harith jee yg i nampak nanti. :'( sedih ngat ok.kadang2 rasa kuat.kadang2 rasa lemah sangat. kadang2 terbayang dia menunggu i balik.sebab selalunya kalau jauh sikit dpd dia, mesti akan balik plg lama pun 1 minggu. itu pun dia da tergedik2 suka bila npk keta i balik umah.ni. dah. 2. bulan.Ya Allah. mcm.mana.nak.harungi.2 tahun.hm...

satu2nya sebab yang mmberatkan hati berada disini - dia la. seriously, sbb datangla apa pun cabaran kat sni yg selain dia,i know, i'll survive.

hangpa doakan leen nah.moga kuat. mungkin sbb dia plg rapat dpd budak2 yg lain.yala, tdo mkn mndi sekali, u'uk dia pun i ingat kaler apa bau cmna *haha*.ok.pastu tgk pampers kt supermarket rasa rindu kat dia T_T

hmm...leen harap sgt..insyaAllah.supaya dapat jadikan dia semangat utk buat yg terbaik.supaya pengorbanan berjauh ngn dia ni xsia2.

ayeh, even if u wont read this. but maksu wanna tell u.still.that i love u.i miss u.i left u not becoz i want to, but because i have to. maksu cant be in 'that' comfort zone all my life.if u wonder what the comfort zone is, i'll explain when u r big enough to understand ;) and i have to do something for my dream dear. my future ahead. one day. I'll be back.with lots & much much more love for you.n toys - of course. and HOPE. hoping that U'll still remember me as your old maksu - the one who tk cre of u since your head as little as my palm.ok lawak pulak rasa sbb kepala dia sgt besar skrg. haha.

ok dah. dah luah dah.sekarang masa utk berdoa agar semangat tak luntur. dan belajar.dan grad. dan jadi dietitian berjaya *ceh ayat* dan berbakti kepada masyarakat.dan org obese. hehe.

love.

maksu from minnesota.

* courage.

hai.saya ialah comel.

salam....

baru pas masak ayam masak lemak cili padi.

1) cili tak pedas lol cni :)

2) kunyit mati.haha.

2) still couldnt up to my mom's version. -_ -"

mom's cooking is the best in the world!!!

ok..dear diary,

eceh.emm hari ni..dapat markah kuiz.food service management, salah satu soalan la...tolak 2 markah.haha.lab food science pulak,8.5/10.0..kadang2 hati nakkan perfection.tapi kna redha bila mmg dah sampai situ ja yg kita mampu buat..haha excuse excuse.....xmampu and xreti tu kdg2 bersangkut paut kan.hehe,apa2pun, utk tenangkan hati sendiri,,i guess i'm doing fine.selagi tak dapat yg pling rendah tu kira ok ar.kuang3..haaaa.tpi sni nk dpt A tu 93 tau! waaawaaaawaa!! harapppp la nk dapt pointer tggi.hahah.80 B- sygggg....hahahaha..

*smile*

so far.blajar okla untuk first month.kiranya paham jgkla telinga ini memahami apa cikgu org puteh sy ni mau.tapi kna usaha lebih lagi kan. alhamdulillah, kalu ada bnda xleh catch up masa lecture, leh tgk blik kt umah video dia dlm subject tu punya website...cm USM punya PJJ tu.kan leh view video kt umah..conference..hm.so i rewind rewind rewind la satu lecture ni, xleh catchup 1 word apa yg dia sebut.rupa2 nya dia sebut ''build up"..punyala pening pikir apa dia cakap , kt dlm notes tulis bulep budep apakebendanih!hahah.slang slang.i keluaqkan loghat kedah i baru taw.hahahaha...

hmm.and seriously, i need to learn more more more about american common food.that's alottt of dem. nanti internshipnnt xkn nk suggest patient punya dietary treatment makn malaysian food kan? mmg mmg mmg kna blajar. tapi i plg xleh trima mcm mana depa ni leh mkn salad sayur2 hijau raw macm tu ja.enak dimakan begitu sahaja la kunun.even with dressing pun, i really cant.nak terkeluaq balik you.i'm human.bukan cik kamb....ing. hahahaha.at least kita ulam mkn ngn nasi, gaul2 kn.ngn sambal belacan as dressing kan. haha.

kt sni sekrang cuaca xmenentu.Fall / autumn da start officially.cantik.daun daun berguguran.ololooo..haha.mcm kt mlaysia daun xgugur2 dak? haha

weather dia cm mengong2 sat2 ujan sat2 angin kuat giles.kadang2 sunshine jaaa whole day.survivor betui.belum winter lagi.baju tebal winter pun xda lagi.nk survey kedai murah dlu sni ~

ok la weh kmi nk tulis pendek ja sbenaqnya, tp kmi tak bolehla.hahhaa.kalu rasa boring tu, baca sekerat, then esok lusa smbung balik kalu rajin.hahahah..

LBNL,fighting!!

ok dah.

sat.kawan2, kami tringin nk tengok crita Magika tu...sapa ada free link bagi arr wehhh...atau..sapa baik ati nk pos kn cd?

oR...

that's sweet.haha.

ok byee.kmi dah update.hgpa cepat cepat cepat update!!! :)))

love u cat.*takmau jadi mice* geddit??? hehe

* I am nervous

Alhamdulillah.....

counting days.hope this time i can make it.amin...

* untitled

kenapa.

dan bagaimana?

supposedly..bila?

.....

i really really coudnt find a way now.

should stop, maybe.

or shouldnt yet?

* crying river *

bye bye ~

* talk with me

when my cousin told me that she has so much interest in fashion, rather than in any other field that seems more appealing to get some 'great and guarateed ' job, I thought that I might be the only one who'd totally understood her.

and when again she suddenly told me that she 'd applied for nursing course, for the sake of her 'future', I was quite agree. that I tried to get a form for her to apply for nursing college in my hospital. regardless of what she actually wanna do, all of us actually like 'forcing' her to do something that is awaaaaayyyyy from her interest. well, nursing and fashion????

as her mom is a single mother, we all hoped that as the eldest, she could be a reliable one, esp for her other siblings, as fyi, are having health problems that need a regular check-ups. and a tree of money too, of course. hence all the relatives kind of 'into' this what-u-want-to-do-after-spm.

but this one night, I realized that at that time, we were like trying to 'play' with her future, and her life. why cant we let her to choose? why'd we want to decide and pushing her to do something that she's not really into? we could advise her, but not forcing.

then yours truly and her had a real cousin's talk. I asked her, do you feel that you can force yourself to study nursing?

and if you can, will you really enjoy your life after that? you will live with this job forever...once you've footed the first step, it's very hard to back out.

could see a sheepish smile from her then. that looks no good to me.

she gave me a long silent. and I continued with my general thoughts of fashion field - that she have so much passion about. I asked her again, if she's willing to be in that field, that's very 'rare' still, and it's more to freelance thingy, PR ( she's very shy one! ) , getting published, strong will, & open minded.

<------ something that's very superficial, but gotta do lots with lifestyle.hm.hm.

and again. she said she's not sure either.

yeah. at the age of 18.I dont know about you, my frens, but me, at that age, I was clueless still. I was easily getting influenced of what I wanna be. doctor? my first dream job. ok agak lama memegang cita cita ini. tapi looking at different angles of it, I am not sure then.

Not sure = cannot be a doctor okeh???

then, pharmacist. hm.because i knew, i love chemistry. a lot. i love reading the details all about medications bla bla bla. I could stand for hours at the pharmacy, just looking, reading labels of vitamins there.hahaha. then again, doing a bit of research & job shadoowing of it - again. I know, I cannot be one. hahaha. i know what you're thinking. this girl, so choosy!!!!!!

that is why then, i decided to go for a real job shadowing, in real workplace, as a dietitian/ nutritionist. only went for few weeks. but i have to admit, really like it. something that i didn't realize from the beginning. It's not a job that will pay you a great sum, but the content that is. the whole prospects of it.

hm.hm...I said to myself - if this job also didn't suit me, than I'd rather be a housewife and taking care of my kids. kids - surely i really really love love love !! hahahaha

ok get back. so yes, my cousin. I told her all my stories. and why I am here in penang now. why i took my own 'sweet& sweat' time for almost one year - jobless? travel here and there.helping here and there.and declined few stuffs coming that were actually look 'good' for my future?

I said to her. do what you want to do. but, give yourself lots of thoughts. don't just do things because you are desperate, or just because you have nothing to do, or for the sake of others. or you just feel ashamed , or you just wanna show to do world how great you are. ok well, if it's for temporary, then it's ok. if it's something that u're gonna deal with for the rest of your life, better not. or you may regret afterwards. and about her interest, maybe she could do it as her favourite free time hobby? that maybe could turn into cash someday. like me loving to be in a pharmacy for long, reading all vitamins label, it's maybe a hobby.hahahaaha.

ok ok. so, i said to her, dont be like me. i always do things on my own. taking all the burden all by myself. bad thing is you'll feel tired. easily. good thing is you'll never give-up.and with His will, you'll survive. really.=) hahahaha.

* fakely fainted *

s.u.r.v.i.v.e?

p/s: and she 's doing well now, i guess.

* Heidi

do you know heidi?

a little orphan girl who is sent to live with her scary long beard grandpa in the Alps mountain.

her life was so fascinating, even from the first day she'd been there, she first made her own bed make of layers of hay, a sweet & fresh-smelling hay, where in her up-room, she could see the beautiful scenery of the valley, thru the round hole in the wall.

hehe, I imagined myself at her place everytime, when I first bought and read the book, when I was 13.I was so impressed with the landscape of the story, and it's a real splendid story.

heidi is simple, something that all of us can understand and appreciate, it tells us that love is everywhere even in the very corner of the world. it also shows how world is simple indeed.with flowers,faith, courage, friendship and little thrift.

eventhough it has been written and published a hundred years ago - but it remains in my hearts until now.

I was in seri puteri that time, was so inspired on how the little girl knows how to take joy in everything that she could find, and when the hardship and difficulty comes in her way, she can endure it with brave.at least, that time, I learned that I am not alone.hahaha.you know, masa tu, kat hostel, jauh ngn family, kind of being very homesick , jauh dengan family yadayada baru belajar hidup basuh baju sendiri heh heh so bila baca buku ni yg ter-accidentally beli wpon masa tu taktau pon buku ni sgt glamer ( first published 1880!!!! ), ada sikit rasa hepi.

and it helped me a lot with my vocab that time.almaklum masuk form one baru blajaq nk speaking sgala kawan2 lak ank org kaya duduk oversea speaking cair abes.......

haha.ok.

terkeluar topik melalut ke laut.nak crita betaapaaa sukanya saya pada heidi.oleh yg demikian, eh salah, walaupun begitu, saya telah kehilangan buku tersebut=(. mungkin faktor umur tak reti jaga brg masa zaman muda mudi suka ria.

oleh yg demikian ( again ), saya selalu cuba mencari the same exact book, with pic of young girl sitting in a flower-filled meadow.heh.kaler biru gelap.but couldn't find it.maybe i wasn't really 'search' for it, or they just don't sell it anymore in mlsia.it's a classic book, anyway.haha

hm until on my first day been in Penang, to my hospital. I noticed the SALE ( all girls love noticing this word, aren't we? , heh) up to 90% ( again *rolling eyes* ) in Popular bookstore. tanpa melengahkan masa, ceh ceh trus pegi cari dgn harapan yg menggunung.and yes, I found it. not the sama cover, and colour.but it's the same story.

my first one - bought in 1999 , lost in 200? heh

just bought in April=)

it's heidi.my first english storybook 11 years ago * tears*

haha.tapi berbulan bulan masih tak sempat baca, actually takmau start baca, kot tak jadi kerja la kalu dah start mengadap kan.tp dah peluk2 letak tepi bantal.haha

so itu sahaja.sebenarnya semalam saja taip google2 jumpa heidi kt youtube.the whole movie! ( yes, it has been adapted to a film ) - you must watch it okay? and you'll totaly understand even if you dont read of everything that I've bebel -ed above.hehe

eh eh eh King's College London. I wanna go there.teeheeeee

*bye*

* my big little girls

I wasn't entirely surprise when she told me ....err... okay to be exact when I found out actually that she already have a B.O.Y.F.R.I.E.ND..

and the other little cute thing also - I knew it quite long that she'd already have one.

hm.

*jaw dropping*

yes.but i feel a bit of em..uneasy.hahahah

because I ALWAYS feel that they are still MY little girls. I mean, they do look like little girls to me.manja. and comel some more.

maybe because we didnt have that MUCH time to be together or grown up together, I didnt even had a chance to do things like change their nappy or send them to school at standard one or buy them raya dresses when they were small..

and the so-called first time that we met and sort of really being together, hang out lepak2 together as an 'adult' was last year. That was maybe the starting year that made us more closer . that actually makes me feel like a real sister who can take care of them....after all those years.....

as a family.we 've always been a family, i knew, but i mean living together under one roof kind of thing..

so. recapping and back to the topic.they've grown up. a big girl now.

and falling in love.....

***

I am not that happy actually.honestly. I feel like they are being taken away from me.

apakahlawaknyaperasaaaninikankan?

but well. I do trust them. because I think I know them better than anyone else..and because they are my sisters.

so.

to Mira and Zira:

see, I've announced to the world your status now.hahaha.okay, please take care. I am watching ya'.

bear in mind..=)

and.

have to remember that I love both of you more than your bf love you.understood??

jgn abeskan kredit tepon your bf aja. tepon kakna kt penang ni.tahu????

sekian.harap berikan sesuatu hadiah drpda mesir demi menutup mulutku daripda memberitahu ayahanda tercinta.

bubye.

seriosly.love both eh eh.. three of you so much=)

.