* talk with me

when my cousin told me that she has so much interest in fashion, rather than in any other field that seems more appealing to get some 'great and guarateed ' job, I thought that I might be the only one who'd totally understood her.

and when again she suddenly told me that she 'd applied for nursing course, for the sake of her 'future', I was quite agree. that I tried to get a form for her to apply for nursing college in my hospital. regardless of what she actually wanna do, all of us actually like 'forcing' her to do something that is awaaaaayyyyy from her interest. well, nursing and fashion????

as her mom is a single mother, we all hoped that as the eldest, she could be a reliable one, esp for her other siblings, as fyi, are having health problems that need a regular check-ups. and a tree of money too, of course. hence all the relatives kind of 'into' this what-u-want-to-do-after-spm.

but this one night, I realized that at that time, we were like trying to 'play' with her future, and her life. why cant we let her to choose? why'd we want to decide and pushing her to do something that she's not really into? we could advise her, but not forcing.

then yours truly and her had a real cousin's talk. I asked her, do you feel that you can force yourself to study nursing?

and if you can, will you really enjoy your life after that? you will live with this job forever...once you've footed the first step, it's very hard to back out.

could see a sheepish smile from her then. that looks no good to me.

she gave me a long silent. and I continued with my general thoughts of fashion field - that she have so much passion about. I asked her again, if she's willing to be in that field, that's very 'rare' still, and it's more to freelance thingy, PR ( she's very shy one! ) , getting published, strong will, & open minded.

<------ something that's very superficial, but gotta do lots with lifestyle.hm.hm.

and again. she said she's not sure either.

yeah. at the age of 18.I dont know about you, my frens, but me, at that age, I was clueless still. I was easily getting influenced of what I wanna be. doctor? my first dream job. ok agak lama memegang cita cita ini. tapi looking at different angles of it, I am not sure then.

Not sure = cannot be a doctor okeh???

then, pharmacist. hm.because i knew, i love chemistry. a lot. i love reading the details all about medications bla bla bla. I could stand for hours at the pharmacy, just looking, reading labels of vitamins there.hahaha. then again, doing a bit of research & job shadoowing of it - again. I know, I cannot be one. hahaha. i know what you're thinking. this girl, so choosy!!!!!!

that is why then, i decided to go for a real job shadowing, in real workplace, as a dietitian/ nutritionist. only went for few weeks. but i have to admit, really like it. something that i didn't realize from the beginning. It's not a job that will pay you a great sum, but the content that is. the whole prospects of it.

hm.hm...I said to myself - if this job also didn't suit me, than I'd rather be a housewife and taking care of my kids. kids - surely i really really love love love !! hahahaha

ok get back. so yes, my cousin. I told her all my stories. and why I am here in penang now. why i took my own 'sweet& sweat' time for almost one year - jobless? travel here and there.helping here and there.and declined few stuffs coming that were actually look 'good' for my future?

I said to her. do what you want to do. but, give yourself lots of thoughts. don't just do things because you are desperate, or just because you have nothing to do, or for the sake of others. or you just feel ashamed , or you just wanna show to do world how great you are. ok well, if it's for temporary, then it's ok. if it's something that u're gonna deal with for the rest of your life, better not. or you may regret afterwards. and about her interest, maybe she could do it as her favourite free time hobby? that maybe could turn into cash someday. like me loving to be in a pharmacy for long, reading all vitamins label, it's maybe a hobby.hahahaaha.

ok ok. so, i said to her, dont be like me. i always do things on my own. taking all the burden all by myself. bad thing is you'll feel tired. easily. good thing is you'll never give-up.and with His will, you'll survive. really.=) hahahaha.

* fakely fainted *

s.u.r.v.i.v.e?

p/s: and she 's doing well now, i guess.